Relationships are hard. You have to work at them. Sometimes you bring in your past ghosts that can haunt a new relationship. Fear of abandonment and vulnerability are scary ghosts that can join you on your journey. These are mine. I never knew about all my ghosts only the one. I have just recently gone through a breakup. I, in my true CJ fashion, self-sabotaged the relationship so I could count on what the outcome was going to be. I made him believe untruths about me and it worked, as it usually does. This time for me…. it was different. I was different. I tried to give him a heads up. Maybe he could help me. Maybe he could help me get past this. No deal. Yet, a breakthrough has happened. I’m done with this constant outcome. I’m done with the ghosts of my past always prevailing. I can fix this. In the end, him and me, we both lose. We lost something that could have been great. I believed that we are connected. A sort of soul tie. I have even tried to break it so we can be relieved from each other but, the tie stayed connected.

In the intricate dance of love and connection, fear of abandonment can cast a shadow over even the most promising relationships. This fear, rooted in worry of being left behind or unloved, can hinder personal growth and strain the bonds we cherish. By acknowledging, understanding, and actively working to overcome this fear, we can have healthier more resilient connections.

Tips on overcoming these fears:

1: Reflect on past experiences – understanding the origin of you fear is crucial. Identifying patterns and triggers gain insight into the root of your problem.

2: Practice self compassion- embrace this as you navigate your fears. Be kind to yourself. Everyone carries emotional baggage. self love is essential to a healthy relationship.

3. Open Communication- this is a hard one. You need to share your fears with your partner in an open and honest way. This can bring you closer together, creating a space for vulnerability that is safe.

4. Build trust through consistency- Be reliable and dependable in your actions.

5.Focus on the present- Shift your focus from potential future scenarios to the present moment. This one is so hard for me. Mindfulness can help ground you in the reality of your relationship reducing anxiety about what might happen and allows you to appreciate what is happening now. I really need to do this one.

Overcoming these fears is a journey that requires self-reflection, open communication, and commitment to personal growth. By actively addressing these fears I know I can build stronger, more resilient relationships and create the foundation of trust and security that allows love to flourish. I know the right person is going to come along and will love me. That fear is laid to rest.

“Sometimes receiving love is harder with an attachment wound because when we let love in as adults, we’re also letting in the reality that our needs weren’t met when we were young-and that hurts. Consider that you’re not pushing love away so much as the painful reminder that accompanies it” Rising Women

“Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences”

Dating in this new modern world can be very confusing and tiring. With social media and instant gratification, how does one date? I hear many people complain that they miss how things use to be. Dating was simpler and more romantic in earlier times. Face to face interactions and hand written letters evokes a nostalgia that I believe people still want. Is it out there?

I have been dating this summer in a more unconventional way. I met someone organically who just so happens to be 21 years younger than me. Yes. You read that correctly. 21 years younger. Now I do not look like my age as I find most people from my generation and very youthful in our looks. This man who has taken me out on dates has shown me that this kind of dating still exists. I really had thought that ideal of dating was dead. In one particular date, I had found myself in a beautiful park, in a gazebo, at sunset with this man. The park was filled with all kinds of people enjoying the day as a picturesque scene from a classic movie. Here we are in this gazebo. He puts on old romantic music and then calls for my hand to slow dance with him. I was stunned and a little embarrassed at first. I took his hand and started dancing. I said to him that people didn’t do this anymore. He replied “but they should”. He is right. This is what is lost. this is what I think we are all searching for.

The universe has a funny of showing you things. This romance always had an expiration date as I am leaving in 2 weeks to go back home to my state and go back to my real life once again. He has made me remember things I have forgotten. Feelings of love that has been lost to time. He does not understand that we really could never have been. I am done with having children and that is a gift I could never take away from him. He has big dreams and so do I. We would only distract ourselves from those dreams. A forbidden romance for sure yet it was a romance none the less. I wrote him this poem and I know he will find the love he deserves. I wish him such a happiness and it gives me hope that I will find love again.

“To feel again these lost forgotten emotions. I remember what it felt like. To dance, be held. I almost let it get away with me. When I feel in your eyes.”

Your mind believes what you tell it, so tell it positive things,

Jennifer Milius

To rearrange your positive, you need to change the way you think. How many times a day does your brain give you a negative thought? Have you really ever kept tract? We are always telling ourselves we need to be healthy; we need to check in with our diet. Well, what if I told you that your diet is not just the food you eat. It is the people that you surround yourself with. It is the books you read. the things you hear and the thoughts that you think. Your health is much more than your body. It is your mind. The two are connected. What if I told you I totally changed my life in three years. I did a lot of self-work. In the beginning it wasn’t easy. Like learning to ride a bike, it takes practice to teach your brain to stop with the negative thinking. You attract what you think. Affirmations are a big part of what you can do to help yourself change that negative talk. Some of the books that really helped me: The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. These are some of the books I read that started me on my journey. What are some books that have helped you? Write them in the comments.

I have been single for what sometimes feels like an eternity or six years. Same thing. I think I have tried more than my fair share of dating apps, online dating websites, and meetups. I have a lot of friends all giving these options a try at no avail. When I tell you I could write a coffee table book with various obscene pictures and content, I feel like I’m not alone. For instance, when you’re watching any reels on the subject do you feel like we are all tired of trying to date this way? Of course, there are exceptions to the rule. I have downloaded deleted and repeat more times than I would like to admit. No matter the date no matter the name change, job title I have to wonder. How am I only finding one type of person ugh!!